Any Sunday Morning after 21 June 2021

Four Miniature Schnauzers: Milo, Bodger, Silva, Chilli, roaming about the house, somewhat neglected.

Bodger:

Do you think they’re dead?

Chilli:

Dunno. Might be. They’re not moving. They look a lot like Pepper did when she actually died. All slack mouth and stuff. Eyes rolled back in their heads.

Silva:

Should we go and kiss them?

Bodger:

I don’t do kissing.

Milo:

Well, just pant dog breath in their faces then.

Silva:

I heard one of ours grunt, so maybe they’re only nearly dead.

Chilli:

How much longer do you reckon?

Milo:

Could be ages. Ours have at least three coffees before we get to go on a walk.

Chilli:

Bit worried about an accident. I mean, I can hold it a bit longer, but ...

Bodger:

I’ll sit at the door. That always works. I just need to look through the glass. Stare. It will open.

Silva:

I’m starving. Did they forget to feed us last night? I can’t remember having any tea. 

Chilli:

Try some of that curry. There’s a bit left.

Bodger:

What? Some left after you’ve been at it?

Chilli:

Yes, well it’s horrible.

Silva:

Where is it?

Chilli:

Under the table next to that puddle of beer.

Milo:

I’ve got an idea. Let’s bark at the window.

Bodger:

The blinds are down. Can’t see out.

Milo:

So?

Bodger:

Ok then, let’s try. Let’s all go bark.

Lots of barking.

Chilli:

That plan went well.

Silva:

Shut yer gob, Chilli.

Chilli:

Just saying.

Bodger:

I’m going back to the door.

Milo:

What the bloody hell for?

Bodger:

For when it opens. It always does. Always. Especially when I tap it like this. Or sometimes, I just gently stroke it. Then, magic. It opens.

Chilli:

Yeah, right.

Lots of gentle stroking.

Silva:

Any sign of them yet?

Bodger:

No.

Milo:

Silva, can I lick your face?

Silva:

Have you been at the beer?

Milo:

No.

Silva:

OK then.

Lots of face licking.

Chilli:

Er...

Bodger:

What’s up?

Chilli:

I’ve had an accident.

Bodger:

Oh no! What’ve you done that for?

Chilli:

I couldn’t help it. It was that curry.

Milo:

Idiot.

Chilli:

Well, what was I supposed to do? Wait for the door-opening fairy to show up?

Silva:

I’ll get the blame. I always do.

Bodger:

It will open. It will! So long as I sit here and don’t move. And maybe tap again.

Lots of tapping.

Silva:

Someone’s coming!

Chilli:

Oh no, we’re for it now.

Milo:

It’s OK. When they get here, all we have to do is look to the left.

Chilli:

What the ... ?

Milo:

Look to the left. Especially you because you did it. Looking left makes you invisible. They can’t see you.

Silva:

Alright you clever bugger, we know what invisible means.

Milo:

Oh, right. Sorry.

Silva:

So you should be. I’m older than you.

Bodger:

You having a laugh bro?

Milo:

No. Honest. It works. Come on, they’re here. Look left!

Door opens.

Bodger:

See. I bloody told you!

Milo:

Bollocks. We’re invisible!