Wrap it, pack it, or sack it!

I am one of the few women in the world who finds shopping a complete and utter chore.  For me there is absolutely no pleasure to be had in trudging around the shops searching vainly for nothing in particular.   Browsing is an action that I simply fail to see the point of.   Unlike many women, I experience no sense of excited anticipation that I will fall in love with the first thing I see in the next shop.  Nor do I harbour the unshakeable belief that if I keep looking, the right thing will just jump out and grab me.    To my mind, the words shopping and pleasure should never appear in the same sentence and the prospect of shopping whilst on holiday is my idea of torture.

When faced with no alternative but to shop I attempt to cram this thankless task into the first half hour of the day so as to avoid being irritated out of my mind by other shoppers.   I concentrate fiercely on not allowing myself to be bombarded by the noise that masquerades as music and I refuse to listen to the recorded idiot spouting about today’s treats as he tries to tempt me into partaking of a cuppa and cake in the café!  I march at speed from shop to shop determined to honour the self-imposed condition that if the item on the list is not found within two minutes, then it doesn’t get bought. 

Whilst my aversion to shopping is a characteristic that Nigel loves dearly, my jaunts into the world of retailing are generally short, miserable and often futile.

It is hardly surprising therefore that I have long since foregone my frustrating forays to the shop-face in favour of the fabulously friendly, fiendishly easy field of on-line shopping.

There is something infinitely more civilised about shopping in comfort, enjoying a glass of wine and listening to your own choice of music than prancing up and down the precinct like a thing possessed.

It couldn’t be easier could it?  Search, find, click – job done.   Utopia!

… Or is it?

Afraid not!  Unfortunately, even on-line shopping has its drawbacks.

The minor drawbacks, the ones that are only moderately troublesome include the fact that you’ve got to be in to receive your goods.  If not, you need accommodating and non-thieving neighbours or a porch, garage or back yard in which the stuff can be left.   Without any or all of the above it is entirely possible that all of that valuable time that was saved, and more, will now be wasted by having to trek to the post office or depot, queue interminably, and cart it all home – assuming or course, that your vehicle is big enough!

And that’s the major issue – the packaging!

It seems obvious to me that all the warehouses in the world have a ‘one size fits all’ policy.   So much so that if you order something the size of a Rice Krispie it will turn up in a box that would comfortably house even the most discerning of tramps.

All items, even the unbreakable ones, are packaged as if they are the crown jewels.   They’ll be buried in enough polystyrene to stuff a sofa or, worse, sheet upon sheet of bubble wrap so irresistible that the time you would have spent walking round the shops is now devoted to the zombie-like activity of bursting every single bubble.   

If you’ve had a bit of a shopping spree, you will have so much packaging that you could easily construct a perfectly respectable shanti town, more than adequately insulated with polystyrene and bubble wrap.

Assuming that you don’t actually want to build a shanti town, what do you do with it all?

The options are few:

• Pile it all in the garage or porch until both are rendered inaccessible.
• Spend days tearing it into little pieces so it fits into your recycling bin.
• Decant the polystyrene into your wheelie bin a cup at a time so it doesn't fill it up in one go.  This should only take several months.
• Risk burning your street down by setting fire to the lot of it.
• Become best mates with the guy at the tip as a result of your constant visits.

Alternatively, think before you click and ask yourself:  “Should I go to the shops or put up with the box?

Or… can I do without it altogether…”