Resolve or not to resolve?

Now that Xmas has been and gone it’s time to reflect on the year that’s almost over and look forward to the one that’s about to start.  That’s a perfectly normal and thoughtful thing to do and that’s as it should be.  Why then can’t we just leave it at that?  Why must we insist on cocking up the New Year before it even starts by setting ourselves unachievable goals in the form of New Year’s Resolutions?  Most of us have, at some point, fallen prey to the temptation of torturing ourselves with targets.  Again and again and again!

The top 10 impossible-to-keep resolutions that crop up year after year are generally concerned with stopping or starting something.  ‘Stop smoking’; stop drinking’; ‘stop swearing’; ‘stop eating so much’. ... All very negative don’t you think?   No wonder we’re all depressed before the year has even begun!   Even thinking about putting a stop to those deeply ingrained vices that have taken decades to cultivate is enough to make anybody miserable.   

On the ‘start’ side there’s invariably the ‘start exercising’; ‘join a gym’; ‘start another diet’ and for some strange reason - ‘start being nicer to people’!  What’s that one about I wonder?  Unless we resolve to do otherwise, do we normally set out to be horrible to people?  Having said that, we’re bound to be horrible to everybody – given the suffering we’re enduring as a result of the self-imposed denial of everything we love so much!  

Nobody will be surprised to learn that only 12% of people actually manage to stick to their resolutions.  How smug that little gang must be!  The rest of us, the remaining 88%, are doomed to failure.  Hardly surprising either then is it that February is such a miserable month?  By then the entire population is shrouded in a cloud of despondency and despair and the kind of self-loathing associated only with abject failures!  

So, unless you are 100 percent confident that there’s a place reserved for you in the elitist “12 Percenters”, then perhaps it’s time to put a stop to all this.   

Let’s consider our options. -

If we are positively determined not to be a failure then we can resolve to do absolutely nothing at all.    Start nothing; stop nothing.  Easy!

Perhaps too easy?  Is that too much of a cop out?  By not making any kind of resolution are we declaring ourselves already perfect, or are we so fearful of failure that we won’t even rise to the challenge?  Either way, the danger of beating ourselves up remains.

To avoid this completely we must make it our business to change the nature of these resolutions to something that not only can we keep, but also actively achieve. 

How about...

·         Join a wine club

·         Save for a face lift

·         Chuck away the specs and get my eyes done

·         Try out a new restaurant at least once a month

·         Cook and eat every single thing in the ‘Good Food’ magazine

·         Drink only champagne on Fridays... and Saturdays....and...

·         Treat myself to a new pair of shoes every month

·         Keep a diary of the all the fun things I’m getting up to...

Well that’s a bit more like it!  With that kind of happy list we could even inadvertently hit the ‘be nicer to people’ one. 

So whatever you decide, whether you resolve to resolve or resolve not to resolve or resolve to make yourself a happy list...

... Have a very very Happy New Year!

The Treadmill won't work if you just sleep next to it!

Haven’t we all done it at least once?  Haven’t we all been tempted at some point in our lives to buy a piece of exercise equipment in a desperate bid to get fit?     Well, I am no exception. I am now the owner of a glorious treadmill that stands proudly beside my bed like a sentry on duty. 

I have tried the gym, but I’m not a fan.  I’m not even a fan of exercise.  I really wish I was.  I wish I liked it even a teeny little bit!  I’m so envious of those people who exercise with passion and fervour and actually enjoy it.  And then there are those even more amazing self-disciplined people who don’t particularly enjoy exercising but do it anyway!  These people think nothing of pounding the treadmill for at least an hour at a time and easily clock up 50k a week.   For my shame, my entire family seems to fit somewhere into these two categories, all of whom think nothing to running the Great North Run every year, and do so seemingly effortlessly. 

Well, determined not to be the family laggard, the order for my treadmill was placed.  Bursting with enthusiasm and, like the road to hell - brimful of good intentions, I awaited its arrival with eager anticipation.  I even dashed out and bought the ‘gear’ which I’ve since decided is far too nice to get all sweaty in, so I keep that for when I’m not exercising!

My confidence did not diminish on its arrival.  I started slowly – walking not running, building up nicely to 3k, then 4k, maybe pushing myself to 5k on the odd occasion.  As a result of all this I would float around the house for the rest of the day basking in the reflective glow from my halo, dreaming of the odd half marathon that would soon be within reach...

Then I’m not quite sure what happened.  

Whilst my treadmill is not yet masquerading as a clothes horse buried beneath hordes of dressing gowns, neither is it as busy as it once was.   Nigel, who has a habit of being annoyingly right, finally said, “The treadmill won’t work if you just sleep next to it you know!”

In a very short time this inanimate object has developed some rather disturbing characteristics.  As the first thing I see when I open my eyes every morning it greets me like an eager little puppy and pleads, “Are we going for a walk today...?”   I have developed many excuses for not going for that walk, all of them feeble and pathetic.  Whilst I pretend to look busy and grapple with my conscience it begins to look less like that cute little puppy and more like an admonishing headmaster shaking his head in disgust.  I swear I can hear it tutting!

I seem to have brought the personification of ‘guilt’ into our home and now spend my days trying to justify myself! 

Don’t get me wrong, we’re still friends.  I haven’t given up on it yet.  Maybe our relationship would improve if I were to give it a name?   Make it a bit more of a friend?  How about Trevor?  

Trevor the Treadmill .... well, it has a certain ring to it!